Ghosts Demand Roundabouts So Developers Can Finally Vanish
BOZEMAN - The Montana Department of Transportation’s plan for two new roundabouts on Kagy Boulevard may look like traffic safety, but rumors suggest a deeper purpose: interdimensional portals designed to send out-of-state developers back to Florida.
Hidden in the proposal is one suspicious line item, “Spectral Gateway Integration.
Sources claim the Matriarchal Ghost Syndicate of Percie Knowles and Ellen Story have demanded the feature, insisting it would “improve the valley’s long-term hauntability.”
“Roundabouts let developers do what they already do,” said one city staffer. “Drive in circles until they disappear.
According to engineers, each vortex will be calibrated to 1920s frequencies and lined with reclaimed church pews “for aesthetic continuity.” Early tests reportedly pulled two Hyalite hikers and a Subaru full of marketing consultants straight into a Naples condo complex.
Officials remain unfazed. “Sure, it’s unconventional,” said MDT spokesperson Carla Dineen, “but the portals are fully ADA compliant and expected to reduce congestion by 17 percent.”
Until then, locals are advised to keep hands at ten-and-two and avoid eye contact with the mirrors. Because in Bozeman, every circle is haunted.
