Man Hospitalized After Attempting To Socialize Sober

Dry January experiment ends within a couple of hours.

BIG SKY, MT - A Dry January outing took a dangerous turn Saturday when 33-year-old Evan Mallory was hospitalized after attempting to spend time at The Broken Spoke while holding nothing but a room-temperature LaCroix.

Mallory arrived around 5:15 p.m. hoping to “still be social, just without drinking,” immediately drawing concerned looks after walking past the tap list several times without stopping.

He sat at a communal high-top and placed the unopened LaCroix in front of him like it was a restraining order.

“He cracked it open, took one sip, and you could tell the carbonation hit him wrong,” said friend Tyler Case, who later called 911. “You could see him realizing he was about to attempt small talk in a ski-town bar while stone-cold sober.”

Patrons said Mallory attempted to discuss the new winter IPA while staring directly at the table. He began to say something about Mosaic hops before stopping and saying, “I like… beans?”

“In Big Sky, sobriety is
considered an extreme sport.”

He then took a deliberate, stabilizing sip of LaCroix and immediately coughed hard enough that several nearby patrons jumped from their bar stools.

Moments later, someone asked, “So, what are you drinking?”

“He just stared,” said bystander Nate Seiler. “Like a man realizing his personality was just alcohol.”

Paramedics arrived to find Mallory clutching the LaCroix as if it might turn into beer.

He was treated and released after completing the hospital’s standard three-shot Fireball protocol.

Few were surprised. In Big Sky, sobriety is considered an extreme sport.